Sunday 17 February 2013

A February named Bizarre.

I have to confess my cynicism for all things connected to astrology, so you can imagine my conceited disdain when some crank cornered us at a festival last month and read out a list of planetary mumbo jumbo about impending strange happenings.

Apparently, Neptune will be entering Saturn and a full moon will descend upon us with Venus, Mercury and Jupiter also fighting for our attention. Wow!!

It was quite hilarious, even more so, when some of my party appeared genuinely enthralled by it all. The crank went on to tell us 2013 was to be a stand-out year, with loads of bizarre happenings. I remember sneering at the time and wondering if this gathering around a weirdo, was the first installment in the prediction.

In the end, I left my pals there and moved to the Vodka tent.....some guy showing everyone how to turn potatoes into alcohol and being nice enough to share the brew for £1 a shot! Genius move, especially with the ambient arctic winter. And even better, nobody needed to predict I would be pissed within the hour.

That was two weeks ago, and today, devoid of the effects of the vodka, I am slowly beginning to realise my 'crank' description may have been totally exaggerated at best, or misguided at worst.

The psychic was bang on....some strange s**t is indeed happening!

So, the list so far:

  • For the first time in history, a power outage occurs at the Superbowl.
  • North Korea conducts a nuclear test, which we had all been assured was beyond her capabilities.
  • For the first time in 600 years, a Pope resigns.
  • A meteor (those shooting stars they told us not to worry about) nearly hits Mother Russia, showering and injuring a thousand people in the process.
  • Oscar Pistorius, superstar sportsman, inexplicably kills his girlfriend.

Admittedly, all the above is quite unnerving, but what type of world will it be, if we allowed bogus seers to control our every thought? Surely, the whole thing must just be some unfortunate culmination of bizarre occurrences.

I mean, I foresaw Nigeria lifting the African Cup of Nations (even though sadly I have no witnesses). Does that somehow make me qualified to put up a crystal ball tent in forthcoming festivals?

As a blogger, I believe it is my job to introduce some demystification and attempt to bring some mature assessment to the so-called strange happenings. I will do my best to be succinct.

So, here we go:

  • Superbowl Power outage - We don't need to overdress this....let us stick with the Beyonce explanation. It will do until an official one is announced.
  • North Korea - If the Iraq invasion did not convince us the so-called superpowers don't have a clue what is happening in the world, this event should effectively nail that coffin. Maybe for once, chubbier people will start to earn our respect....they don't call him Little Kim for nothing!
  • Pope's Resignation - Shed no tears... let's be honest, he should never have attained the papacy in the first place. Yes, I said it and I am still going to heaven!
  • Russian Meteor - In spite of all the American movies telling us different, it appears the Aliens are interested in anywhere, but America.
  • Oscar Pistorius - Four shots.....sorry Oscar, no legs to stand on!

It is my fervent hope that these events now look completely ordinary and your fears have been allayed. To be honest, I was getting tired of the collective woahs and wows.

We should get used to it.....S**t Happens!

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